Branchburg Township School District

Children often will not tell parents about being bullied because they are embarrassed or ashamed; afraid of revenge from the bully; or do not believe that the situation will change if they report it. Since it may be difficult for a child to tell a parent he or she is being bullied, there are many signs parents can identify.

The signs below may or may not be an indication of bullying. But if parents see these signs, they should consider bullying as a possible reason for the behavior:
 

• Your child comes home from school with torn or dirty clothing or damaged books;
• Your child has cuts, bruises or scratches;
• Your child has few, if any, friends or playmates;
• Your child seems afraid to go to school, or complains of headaches or stomach pains;
• Your child does not sleep well or has bad dreams;
• Your child loses interest in schoolwork;
• Your child seems sad, depressed or moody;
• Your child is anxious or has poor self-esteem; or
• Your child is quiet, sensitive or passive.
   

If your child is showing any of these warning signs, you should talk to them to find out the cause and then take to your child’s teacher or principal.

Certain groups of students are especially at risk for being bullied. A list of some of these groups is provided below. If you believe your children might share some of the characteristics of these or other similar groups, be aware of changes in your children’s behavior. Talk to your children about how they get along with other students at school and their friends. Ask the teacher for things he or she notices about your children.
 

• Students who are believed to be lesbian, gay, bi-sexual or transgender (LGBT) – Research reports show that nine out of ten students who are perceived as LGBT have experienced harassment at school in the past year. It is important to note that students may not be bullied because they are LGBT youth, but because other students view them as having qualities that differ from them. For example, a young girl might be bullied and called names because she likes sports and hiking and dislikes wearing dresses and spending free time shopping. A boy might be called names for not liking sports, enjoying ballet or for displaying behaviors that are identified as “feminine.”
• Overweight students – Children who are overweight or obese are more likely to be bullied than their non-obese peers, regardless of gender, race or socioeconomic status.
• Students with learning or physical disabilities – Studies conducted in the United States found that children with disabilities were two to three times more likely to be the victims of bullying. In addition, the bullying experienced by these children was more chronic in nature and directly related to their disability.
• Students who appear to be intellectual or introverted – These might be students who are believed to be unsocial, or are very interested in school subjects, such as science or math.
• Students who wear clothing, have certain hair styles or engage in some other form of self-expression that is identified as different from the norm – This could include students who like to only wear black or who dye their hair bright colors.

If you believe your child is being bullied or if your child brings up the subject, it is important for you to take action. Below are some steps you can take:
 

• Report the matter to school officials – If you suspect bullying, report the behavior and make it clear that you want an investigation according to the procedures in the ABR. You should always contact school officials if you believe an incident involves a student conduct issue that is affecting your child’s education and well-being at school.
• Document ongoing bullying – Team with your child to keep a record of all bullying incidents. If the behavior involves cyberbullying, keep a record of all messages or postings. Do not erase or change any electronic files. More information on cyberbullying is provided in the sections of this guide titled Steps to Prevent Cyberbullying (page 33), What to Do if Your Child Experiences Cyberbullying (pages 33-34) and Cyberbullying Resources (pages 36-37).
• Talk with your child – Give your child undivided attention.
• Empathize with your child – Reinforce that bullying is wrong, that it is not your child’s fault, and that you are glad they had the courage to tell you about it.
• Develop solutions together – Work together to find solutions and provide positive ideas for ways to respond to bullying. Help your child gain confidence by rehearsing the responses.
• Be persistent – Bullying, especially ongoing bullying, may not be stopped in one attempt.
• Stay alert to other problems – Some of the warning signs for bullying might actually be indicators of other serious problems.
• Cooperate with school staff – Partner with school staff and stay informed of investigations to be sure the ABR is being followed.

-being. Ignoring or downplaying bullying often encourages it to continue or to become more serious. Instead, be supportive and gather information about the bullying.

• Do not blame your child for being bullied – Do not assume that your child did something to cause the bullying. The actions of a child might start a conflict, but this is not the case with bullying, where the child is the victim of unwanted and uninvited aggression.
• Do Not encourage your child to harm or “get back at” the person who is bullying them – This could get your child hurt, suspended or expelled from school or sent to court.
• Do not contact the parents of the students who bullied your child – This might make matters worse by increasing the pressure on your child, increasing the bullying or bringing about bullying from the parent. School officials should contact the parents of the involved student(s).
• Do not demand or expect a solution right away – Indicate that you want to determine the best course of action, but need to be sure that your child is safe. Also, be aware that the ABR limits the ability of school staff from revealing information on the students who might be involved in the situation, including the disciplinary actions taken against other students. The law preventing school officials from giving you details on other students does not mean appropriate action has not been taken.